Conundrum
People who know me IRL, Internet speak for “in real life,” would say I’m a bit of a conundrum. Besides being one of my favorite wines, it aptly describes me, for I live a life veiled in secrecy. It’s the only way I know how to protect myself. When it comes to others, I love to listen, pry, and see what I can do to help. But for myself, not so much. Mainly, I don’t think what I have to say or what’s going on in my life is all that important or interesting. Secondly, I’ve been burned way too many times. I’m a jaded New Yorker, a kid from Queens who learned a long time ago about the dangers of telling too much.
It doesn’t make it right or healthy, but it’s one of the rules I live by. I’m not exactly Travis Bickle, but I can relate to him a bit. I’m quick to change topics when the bottle spins and lands on me. I know it aggravates people who know me. It’s like that awkward moment playing spin the bottle when you don’t want to kiss that person who spun you.I just feel like I’d rather be kissing someone else, anyone else — just get the bottle away from me.
I know this isn’t a good way to live, but hey, I’m not here to tell anyone to live life by my rules. I’m better at telling people how to live their lives. It’s like the .250 lifetime batting average baseball player who goes on to become a hitting instructor. Just because we couldn’t do it, doesn’t mean we don’t know what we’re talking about. We just couldn’t do it for ourselves. That’s the conundrum.
